Mey Deras | ROOTED Biblical Counseling Services

by Mey Deras | Estimated reading time 4 mins.

What to do when love feels one-sided, prayers feel unanswered, and your heart longs for restoration.

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There’s a special kind of ache that only a mother knows, the pain of watching her child drift away.
Away from home. Away from truth. Sometimes, away from you.

You pray. You reach out. You try to bridge the distance, but the silence or tension can feel unbearable.

If that’s you today, please know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not powerless. God has not stopped writing your child’s story or yours. You can’t control their choices. However, you can nurture connection. Reflect Christ’s heart in ways that leave the door of grace wide open.

Here are 5 practical ways to begin strengthening your relationship with your drifted-away child.

1. Choose Connection Over Control

When fear rises, the natural instinct is to tighten your grip. But often, what our children need most is not more control, it’s safe, steady love.

Remember how the father of the prodigal son didn’t chase, lecture, or manipulate? He waited with compassion and kept the door open (Luke 15:20).

Practical step: Send a small message of love with no agenda. Something as simple as, “Just thinking of you today. I love you and I’m praying for you.” It reminds them that your love isn’t conditional on performance.

2. Learn the Difference Between a Conversation and a Sermonette.

One of the most important shifts you can make is to talk with your child, not at them.

A conversation listens, asks questions, and seeks to understand. A sermonette corrects, preaches, and subtly implies, “You should know better.”

When your adult child drifts, your words carry more weight when they’re seasoned with grace. Let your life and love speak before your lecture does.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…” Colossians 4:6

Practical step: Say, “Help me understand what’s been hard for you lately.” Do this instead of, “You know what you need to do…”
That simple shift opens doors instead of closing hearts.

3. Stay Close Without Enabling Sin

This is one of the hardest balances to navigate, how to remain close without compromising truth.

Enabling happens when love turns into participation in sin or avoidance of truth out of fear of losing relationship.
Staying close means maintaining connection while still standing firm on biblical conviction.

Jesus modeled this perfectly. He ate with sinners, but never sinned with them. He loved fully without affirming rebellion.

Practical step: Ask yourself before saying “yes” to something:

“Will this decision help restore trust, or will it support a pattern that keeps them far from God?”

“Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ.” Ephesians 4:15

4. Keep Praying, Even When You’re Tired of Praying

You may not see fruit right now, but that doesn’t mean your prayers are wasted. The unseen work of prayer is often the deepest work of all.

Romans 12:12 says it best:

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Prayer aligns your heart with God’s timing and keeps you anchored in peace while He does the heavy lifting.

Practical step: Keep a small prayer journal with your child’s name on it. Write down Scriptures you’re claiming over their life and record even the smallest glimpses of hope.

5. Guard Your Heart with Hope, Not Bitterness

It’s easy to let disappointment harden your heart. But bitterness pushes people away, while hope keeps the door open for God to work.

Surrender the timeline to God. Keep your eyes on Him, not on the pace of their return.

“I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 1:6

Practical step: Each time you’re tempted to replay a hurtful conversation or memory, replace it with a prayer:
“Lord, I release them to You. Keep my heart soft and full of hope.”

Final Encouragement

Mama, your prayers and your love are not in vain. God hears the words you whisper through tears and the ones too heavy to say aloud.

Your job isn’t to fix, your job is to stay faithful.
Keep loving. Keep listening. Keep trusting the God who loves your child even more than you do.

Because while the enemy may whisper, “It’s too late,”
Jesus still says, “I have loved them with everlasting love…”

Journaling Questions:

1. Heart Check: What’s ruling my emotions when I think about my child? Are you placing your hope in visible change, or in God’s faithful character?
2. Grace Check: How can I love my child without excusing sin? Write down specific ways you can show compassion while still holding to biblical truth.
3. Faith Check: What would trusting God look like this week? Consider one small, faithful action that demonstrates your trust. For instance: Writing a prayer instead of sending a lecture. Or choosing gentleness instead of worry.