Mey Deras | ROOTED Biblical Counseling Services

by Mey Deras | Estimated reading time: 5 mins.

In the blog I published titled Is Self-Esteem a Biblical Need Or a Modern Trap? I established that the Bible does not call us to build self-esteem through others’ love and affirmation. Instead, it calls us to believe and accept love and value from our union with Christ. But that naturally leads to more questions: What about self-care? What about the statement, “If I can’t love myself, I won’t be capable to love others”? That’s what I want to cover today.

These questions sound reasonable, even compassionate. But underneath, they often rest on the same shaky foundation: self as the source of love, healing, and motivation. Let’s gently and honestly explore these ideas through the lens of Scripture, not culture.

1. If I Don’t Believe in Self-Esteem… What About Self-Care?

This is such an honest question. We all need rest. We need time to recharge. So what does the Bible say?

A. God doesn’t call us to self-care, but to stewardship.

The world tells us to pursue self-care for our own sake. But Scripture calls us to manage our bodies, time, minds, and energy not to glorify ourselves, but to glorify Him.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31

B. Stewardship includes rest, but not as escape or mere indulgence.

Taking a break isn’t selfish, it’s biblical. But the why behind our rest matters. Are we resting to run from responsibility? Or to return to it stronger?

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:19–20

Caring for our bodies is about honoring God, not indulging only for self gain and with selfish motives.

Even good things, like caring for your body, using your gifts, or renewing your mind, can become self-focused if we’re not careful. Scripture warns us that God looks not only at what we do, but why we do it.

Use these verses as a heart-check: Philippians 2:3; Matthew 6:1; Jeremiah 45:5; James 3:16.

C. Rest is God’s idea, not a modern invention.

God Himself modeled rest in creation:

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested… Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy.
Genesis 2:2–3

God didn’t need the rest. But He knew we would. He gave us a rhythm not for self-focus, but for living in step with our design as His image-bearers.

2. But Don’t I Need to Love Myself First to Love Others?

This one sounds true “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” right?

Let’s take a deeper look.

A. You’re right, you can’t give what you don’t have.

But what you need doesn’t come from yourself. Love doesn’t start with you. It starts with God.

We love because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19

B. The key isn’t to love yourself more, but to love Christ more.

When we’re filled with His love, we’re empowered to love others well. Not perfectly, but truthfully. Even when it’s hard.

And this is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us…
1 John 4:10

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Final Thoughts: Stewardship Is Not Selfishness

You may be tempted to think that self-love, self-care, and biblical stewardship are just different words for the same thing. Potato, potahto.

But they’re not. One is rooted in self, the other in God.

The modern self-esteem movement is largely shaped by psychologist Nathaniel Branden, who defined self-esteem as the key to human fulfillment. Branden, an outspoken atheist (and proponent of Ayn Rand’s Objectivism) believed that the power to thrive was fully within the individual. In his view, self-worth came not from God but from achieving self-actualization and personal success.¹

But Scripture tells us something radically different, that apart from Christ we can do nothing (John 15:5). And that our identity is received, not achieved.

If love and strength have to come from me, I’ll be constantly discouraged. But if they come from Him, I’m never without hope.

Let’s not confuse being rooted in self with being rooted in Christ. One leads to striving and exhaustion. The other leads to a fruitful life.

Reflection Questions:

1. Have I ever confused rest with indulgence or escape? How do godly rest look like in this season of my life?
2. In what ways have I relied on “loving myself” instead of receiving God’s love for me?
3. How can I practice stewardship of my body and mind as worship, not self-focus?

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1. Branden, Nathaniel. “Our Urgent Need for Self-Esteem.” Psychology Today, Feb. 1970. ↩︎