Is Self-Esteem a Biblical Need Or a Modern Trap?

What Christian Women Need More Than Positive Self-Talk

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

“I just need to love myself more.”
“My self-esteem is so low—I feel like I’m nothing.”
“If only I could see my worth, I’d finally be happy.”

Sound familiar?

We live in a world that tells us the solution to our emotional pain is higher self-esteem. But what if the issue isn’t that you think too little of yourself… but that you’re thinking too often about yourself?

This isn’t about shame. It’s about shifting your focus, from the exhausting search for self-worth to the secure foundation of knowing who you are in Christ. So, keep reading.

Let’s break down the cultural messages around self-esteem, examine what the Bible actually says, and discover a better way forward: one rooted not in pride or performance, but in the loving rescue of our Savior.

What Is Self-Esteem, and Why Do We Crave It?

Psychology defines self-esteem as the value a person places on herself: how she views her appearance, abilities, and self-worth. High self-esteem, we’re told, is key to:

Healthy relationships
Resilience through stress
Motivation to reach goals
Emotional well-being

It sounds logical. Even comforting.

But here’s the problem: when your value depends on your achievements, appearance, or others’ opinions, it becomes fragile.

And when you’re stuck in self-hate or low confidence, the cultural solution is: “Just love yourself more.”

But does the Bible say that?

What the Bible Teaches About Self-View

The Bible never tells us to build self-esteem. Instead, it teaches:

“No one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it…” – Ephesians 5:29

“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment…” – Romans 12:3

These verses assume we already care about ourselves (often too much!) and call us to think rightly and humbly about who we are through God’s eyes.

Jay Adams argue that the self-esteem model is centered in humanity, not God. It promotes:

Anthropocentric thinking (“find the power within you”)
Shallow affirmations that don’t address sin or suffering
Pride masked as healing (“you deserve this”)

The Real Problem Isn’t Low Esteem, It’s Misplaced Esteem

Christian author Paul Tripp puts it this way:

“We are glory thieves, trying to steal what belongs to God and place it on ourselves.”

Low self-esteem often looks like humility. But “I’m worthless” can actually be another form of self-focus. Your own opinion becomes louder than God’s voice.

Biblical humility isn’t self-hate.
It’s thinking less often about yourself, and more often about God and others. (Philippians 2:3–4)

From Self-Esteem to Christ-Esteem

What if we stopped asking, “How can I feel better about myself?”
And started asking, “What does God say about who I am in Christ?”

When you root your identity in Christ:

You see yourself as a redeemed sinner, not defined by shame or performance.
You know you are deeply loved, not because you’re perfect, but because He is.
You learn to live for His glory, not your own validation.

This is what I call Christ-esteem.

It’s not about inflating yourself, it’s about being anchored in God’s truth.

“For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever.” – Romans 11:36

But What If I Feel Like I’m Worthless?

You’re not alone. So many Christian women feel stuck in shame, self-loathing, or insecurity. The thoughts sound like:

“I’m the worst.”
“I’ll never be enough.”
“Why would God even want me?”

But here’s the truth:

Feeling worthless doesn’t mean you are worthless.

Those emotions matter, but they’re not the final authority. Only God has the right to define your value. And He says:

You’re created in His image (Genesis 1:27)
You’re chosen, adopted, and loved (Ephesians 1:4–5)
Christ died for you while you were still a sinner (Romans 5:8)

You are not garbage. You are not your past. You are not your pain.
You are His.

Illustration: The $100 Bill

If you crumple it, stomp on it, or stain it… a $100 bill is still worth $100.

Your value isn’t erased by what’s been done to you, or what you’ve done.
Your Creator and Redeemer gives you unshakable worth.

Practical Steps to Renew Your Mind

In biblical counseling, we walk women through a process of mind-renewal:

Identify distorted beliefs (“I’m garbage,” “I’m unworthy”)
Replace them with truth from God’s Word
Anchor your identity in Christ’s finished work
Pursue humility: confidence in God, not in yourself
Live for His glory, not self-validation

The Freedom of Losing Self and Gaining Christ

Self-esteem feels good for a moment, but it cannot carry you through suffering.
Christ-esteem, on the other hand, gives you:

Peace in trials
Confidence rooted in grace
A purpose beyond performance

“Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” – Matthew 10:39

The Gospel Reframe

The gospel doesn’t say: “Believe in yourself.”
It says: “Die to yourself, and live in Christ.”

That’s where the real healing happens.
Not when you feel better about yourself, but when you know who you are in Him.

🎧 Escucha el episodio:

🎙️ Podcast Ep. 43 ¿Cómo entender mi “auto-estima”? ¿Una necesidad o una trampa moderna?

Recommended Resources

If you want to dive deeper into this topic, here are some resources grounded in biblical truth:

“The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and Self-Image” – Jay Adams
A foundational text on why self-esteem teaching is flawed and how Scripture reframes self-worth.
“Because He Loves Me” – Elyse Fitzpatrick
A beautiful unpacking of how the gospel transforms our identity and daily struggles with shame, guilt, and self-perception.
“How People Change” – Paul David Tripp & Timothy Lane
Explores how heart transformation (not just behavior change) happens through the gospel.
“Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands” – Paul David Tripp
Helps you understand how God uses you (and others) in the process of spiritual growth and gospel-centered identity.

Are You Ready to Live Rooted in Truth?

If you’re stuck in cycles of insecurity or self-hate, you don’t have to stay there.
In my counseling work, I walk with women just like you, through Scripture, through pain, and toward healing.

💬 Let’s talk. Book a free discovery call here to explore how biblical counseling can help you live whole, free, and rooted in truth.

Or, join the waitlist for my 9-week group program Rooted in His Love—where we walk through identity, purpose, healing from past wounds, and more. Learn more here.

Mey Deras
Biblical Counselor & Host of Los Detalles de Tu Vida

Mey Deras | ROOTED Biblical Counseling Services